Hi, thanks for stopping by. My name is Crystal . This is my story.
Many of us are wounded children walking around in adult bodies.
We live in a culture that places a high value on individual accomplishments. Most of us from the time we were small children, we're bombarded by the idea of high achievement. Being competitive in school, sports, and business are viewed as important in our society. We are taught that if we compete hard enough we will be 'winners' and therefore good people. If, however, we don't measure up to what is expected of us, we are losers and we believe we are a failure. Due to the absence of good role models during childhood, some of us are confused. We don't know where we fit in or how we fit in. We continue to allow our worth to be determined by what we do and what others think of us and by who we think we are. As we mature, we condition ourselves to fail. We find ourselves on a path of self-destruction.
I know, I have been there, done that and got the t-shirt! I never fit in anywhere. I grew up in a dysfunctional household where I was the only child in my mother's second marriage. We moved around a lot because of my father's drinking so I never had the chance to make any long-term friends. I never fit in with the 'cool' kids. As a result, I spent a great deal of time alone so I took a liking to reading. I read mostly nonfiction books about animals and science.
My love for self-development began when a friend introduced me to Alanon - a twelve-step group for people living with or dealing with an alcoholic in their life. I was no longer living at home because I had left that scene as soon as I could at the age of 18 when I moved in with my then-boyfriend. I wasn't living with an alcoholic anymore but I was severely damaged by the effects of growing up in that environment.
I had big dreams for my future, however, they were never realized because of my inability to manage the self-sabotaging forces in my life, like low self-worth, people-pleasing, and victim mentality. It took years of self-reflection, counseling, and twelve-step meetings along with sheer grit and determination to divert myself from the path of self-destruction I was on. I never intentionally made the decision to go down that path, I was programmed to. I lived life from a fear and scarcity based perspective which caused me to have negative expectations about circumstances - always 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'. I spent many nights pleading and bargaining with God to work things out on my behalf, but deep down inside my limiting beliefs and past experiences told me that I was destined to fail.
In my late twenties, I was diagnosed with depression after a suicide attempt. I was confused and in a pit of despair. I wasn't able to accept the circumstances that I got myself into and I made excuses and pointed the finger at everything and everyone in an attempt to feel better about myself. However, pointing fingers at others and blaming my circumstances on 'bad luck' just intensified the negative emotions built up inside of me. I tried to distract myself with drugs, food, alcohol, sex, and work in order to gain some semblance of control over my life. It was when I was admitted to the hospital that I finally decided that things had to change. I couldn't keep traveling down the path of self-destruction. I got serious about my recovery as an adult child of an alcoholic and started to become consciously aware of the consequences of my behavior. I wish I could tell you that everything that transpired after that deciding moment was a 'cakewalk', but it wasn't.
Gradually, I began to make new empowering decisions that freed me from my self-destructive patterns. It has taken many years to release life-long habits and limiting beliefs. My life is not perfect, but I thank God I'm not where I use to be. I am on a new path now - the path of transformation - a path of progress, not perfection. I get to live life by my own rules (not some warped preprogrammed rules) because of what I have learned and practiced in my transformation. I have taken life by the horns and broken the dysfunction chain.
If you are ready to take life into your own hands and begin the process of transformation, to walk an uncertain path, to stop searching for that one thing that will fix all things, then you are in the right place.
Your experience of this one precious life matters - it is time to start enjoying it!
To provide a place where women can go for emotional healing, personal transformation and to connect with others of a like mind.
To inspire and empower women to heal childhood wounds and step into the best version of themselves.